You thought you were so smart
and I was so dumb.
You thought you weren't capable of doing something so diabolical
and I was always afraid I would.
You thought this would crush me -destroy my life
and at first, I did too.
You thought I couldn't handle my own finances
and convinced me you were right.
You thought I wouldn't be able to run my store without you
and I wasn't sure I could either.
But of all of the lessons I have learned over the past ten years, the biggest one is
YOU WERE WRONG!
Turns out I was smart enough to figure out that you are a pathological liar, serial cheater, gas lighter and a sociopathic covert narcissist. Before my discovery, I had no idea what those things were, but I quickly discovered that there is a name for and description for who you are. I am a quick learner after all.
Turns out, you were totally capable of all kinds of diabolical activity, and no one was more surprised than me.
Turns out, even though you did crush me, you didn't have the power to destroy my life. God took the ashes of my life that you carelessly left behind and made them a thing of beauty and a testimony to his goodness and redemption.
Turns out I have done pretty darn well with my finances and am in much better shape than I was with you at the helm of our financial ship. And, I am grateful to say that you no longer have anything I need or want.
Turns out, I made some pretty damn good decisions on running the store and sold it for much more than you ever would have dreamed I could. You would have done nothing but hold me back and convince me that I didn't know what I was doing.
You were so wrong about me. And more than that, you were wrong about the God I serve. He taught me that I never needed you after all. And you are the one who lost the opportunity to take this wild ride with me. You had the opportunity to be loved, honored and cared for till the day one of us left this earth, but instead you chose your pride, arrogance and ignorance. Instead of seeking a vulnerable, intimate relationship and exploring ways that we could sharpen each other, you sought out strangers on websites and empty sex.
When you first left, I felt so guilty that I didn't miss you. I thought something was broken in me...that I was cold and uncaring. Turns out, I was wrong. I am very caring and loving. You just didn't give me anything to miss. You were so emotionally absent and selfish with your love and words that I hardly felt the empty space. It was always empty aside from your physical body.
I didn't really lose anything after all. Turns out, I'm the one who won. I have 10 years of growth, grace, forgiveness, insight, friendships, love and redemption.
I have a man who loves, cherishes and respects me. He is the recipient of the best of me because he chooses to recognize it and delights in it.
He is the man you pretended to be. He is the real deal. He doesn't need to hide behind his silence. He is not afraid to have hard conversations. He is flawed and instead of hiding it, he faces his weaknesses and deals with it. He gives me space, grace and forgiveness to do the same. He is kind, compassionate, caring, humble and sooosoooo generous! He has healed wounds in me that he didn't inflict.
I finally know how it feels to be loved...for the first time in my life.
And for the first time...I am grateful that you screwed up so badly that you left me no other choice but to leave. Otherwise, I would have stayed and tried to fix a problem that wasn't mine to fix.
I am thankful that I discovered who you really were because you were keeping me from becoming who I really am.
I have gained so much since I lost you...and I am finally free to be the person God created me to be...not the person you made me believe that I was.
I know the truth...and the TRUTH set me free!!!!
Sincerely,
Your ex-wife
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