Post Divorce Anger

It has been 33 months since I found out my former husband was living a double life. In that 33 months, I have lost a brother-in-law, sold a house, moved 3 times, bought a house, walked through watching my dad slowly die and losing him, moving my business and adjusting to literally EVERYTHING in my life changing. Nothing is the same as it was 33 months ago. I have been so busy surviving the past 33 months that I think I did what I've always done in my life...stuff my feelings and resolving to get sorting it all out 'one day'. Well, I think that day has come. Life has slowed to a 'normal' pace and the fallout from the nuclear explosion that happened in January of 2016, has begun to settle into my heart and mind. I went to see my very wise counselor today, and as I talked of the hurt over missing my 'sweet little family', I realized that beneath the hurt is some very real anger that has never been voiced or dealt with. I will say that I have stuffed it because in this world I'm finding that it's not okay to be angry. I was chided by my ex any time I got angry and told that anger is not a fruit of the spirit. I believed that if I could just somehow get 'holy' enough, I would grow beyond the stage of life where anger exists. BULLSHIT!!! I am angry...and I have a right to be. He was told that he needed to tell his children 4 things: 1) This was going on for a very long time 2) The behavior was escalating 3) He wouldn't have stopped if he hadn't been caught 4) It was with men He could not...would not do it. So now, 33 months later, they only know that 'it wasn't with women'. His parents think "he got into a little trouble while he was in New York...just send her some flowers...take her to Paris". That's the extent to which they know the story. So now, my kids have totally bought into the lie that poor dad couldn't live his true self because of his Southern Baptist upbringing and the culture that wouldn't accept him. He was in so much pain, this was the only way he could deal with it. What that means is that lying to me, cheating on me, hiring male prostitutes, seeking out men on Craigslist, hooking up with strange men...THAT was his only option!!!