There are moments burned into my memory that I consider pure joy...finding out that I was FINALLY pregnant; the birth of my children; watching them smile for the first time; cheering them on in their sports or music activities; playing cards with Kevin and the kids and laughing hysterically; having girls' night out and being with friends; singing and leading worship in church...so many images of times spent with people that God has blessed me with. Pure joy - it seems so evasive in everyday life, but when it comes, you know it and you never want it to end.
That's why I was taken back when I read in James 1 today that we are to consider it 'pure joy' when we encounter trials of all kinds. Today I attended the funeral of a friend. Work has been very hard. Natalie leaves in 2 weeks. Money is tight. I feel guilty for not being home with my family more. I don't see pure joy in any of that. I know the 'right' answers, "God is in control, your friend is in heaven, God won't give you more than you can handle, you have to trust him with your children". I know all of that in my head, but the 'consider it pure joy' thing I still don't get. Even when I look at the original Greek word - it means joy and gladness. HOW??? I know that these trials are teaching me to persevere and are maturing me and I can be content with that, but I'm struggling right now trying to see it as pure joy. Today I just feel weary. His mercies are new every morning. Maybe tomorrow I will look for at least one moment of pure joy and appreciate it. I pray that He will teach me to be joyful smack dab in the middle of the trials and not just endure them.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Storms
That day when evening came, he said to the disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up and the waves broke over the boat so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
I have always been afraid of storms. As a little girl growing up in Cincinnati, I had a front row seat to some devastating tornadoes. My older brother knew very well how much I feared storms and he used that knowledge to torture me. Every time the clouds went dark, he told me that a tornado was coming and it was going to blow our house and all of my pets and toys away...and I believed him. It was so bad that my mother actually had to give me a 'nerve pill' to calm me down whenever the storms blew in.
Jesus told the disciples to get in the boat, they were going to the other side. Somewhere in the middle of that body of water, these seasoned fishermen encountered a storm so violent that they feared for their very lives. They knew the difference between a passing afternoon thunderstorm and a full blown 'sound the alarms, we're going down' kind of storm. I'm starting to question whether or not I can recognize the difference myself.
When I felt that God was leading me to start my business, I really heard him say to me "Get in the boat, we're going to the other side". As I have encounterered rough weather along the way, I hear him reassure me that he called me to go to the other side, not drown in the middle of the sea. My problem is that everytime a dark cloud comes or I start to hear thunder in the distance, I immediately say "Lord, don't you care that we are going to drown?" Have I become such a spiritual wimp that at the first raincloud, I assume the ship is going down? I am still that little girl convinced that we are headed for disaster just because the sky is dark. And instead of an older brother whispering the fears in my ear, I have a much more sinister enemy who enjoys torturing me just as much as my brother did.
After Jesus calmed the storm, he rebuked his disciples for having such little faith. I so badly want to have the kind of faith that believes that we are going to the other side, but that requires the maturity to know that the voice shouting the tornado warnings in my mind has to bow to the voice of the One who says "peace be still" and the wind and the waves obey him. He wants to teach me to trust him to get us to our destination in one piece and to get us there in peace. Not only are we not going to be overtaken by the waves, but he wants us to ride on top of them and if we're lucky enough, we might even get to walk on them! Only by His grace do I even have the faith to get into the boat. And it's only by His grace that I don't jump ship everytime the sky grows dark.
"Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come. Tis grace that brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home."
I have always been afraid of storms. As a little girl growing up in Cincinnati, I had a front row seat to some devastating tornadoes. My older brother knew very well how much I feared storms and he used that knowledge to torture me. Every time the clouds went dark, he told me that a tornado was coming and it was going to blow our house and all of my pets and toys away...and I believed him. It was so bad that my mother actually had to give me a 'nerve pill' to calm me down whenever the storms blew in.
Jesus told the disciples to get in the boat, they were going to the other side. Somewhere in the middle of that body of water, these seasoned fishermen encountered a storm so violent that they feared for their very lives. They knew the difference between a passing afternoon thunderstorm and a full blown 'sound the alarms, we're going down' kind of storm. I'm starting to question whether or not I can recognize the difference myself.
When I felt that God was leading me to start my business, I really heard him say to me "Get in the boat, we're going to the other side". As I have encounterered rough weather along the way, I hear him reassure me that he called me to go to the other side, not drown in the middle of the sea. My problem is that everytime a dark cloud comes or I start to hear thunder in the distance, I immediately say "Lord, don't you care that we are going to drown?" Have I become such a spiritual wimp that at the first raincloud, I assume the ship is going down? I am still that little girl convinced that we are headed for disaster just because the sky is dark. And instead of an older brother whispering the fears in my ear, I have a much more sinister enemy who enjoys torturing me just as much as my brother did.
After Jesus calmed the storm, he rebuked his disciples for having such little faith. I so badly want to have the kind of faith that believes that we are going to the other side, but that requires the maturity to know that the voice shouting the tornado warnings in my mind has to bow to the voice of the One who says "peace be still" and the wind and the waves obey him. He wants to teach me to trust him to get us to our destination in one piece and to get us there in peace. Not only are we not going to be overtaken by the waves, but he wants us to ride on top of them and if we're lucky enough, we might even get to walk on them! Only by His grace do I even have the faith to get into the boat. And it's only by His grace that I don't jump ship everytime the sky grows dark.
"Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come. Tis grace that brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home."
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