I am learning that what I have labeled as 'needy' and 'desperate' is really just my longing. What am I longing for?
I long to have him show up and be willing to hear my hurt, see my tears, hold me while I beat his chest and cry until I have no more tears.  I long to have him hold my head in his hands close to his chest and tell me he's sorry...so, so sorry.
I long to see compassion in his eyes instead of contempt.
I long to believe that I mattered to him enough to fight for me...for our marriage and family.
I long to hear him say I love you.  Not just write it in a card but say the words.
I long to know he thinks I'm beautiful.
I long to have him know my past and love the broken parts of me.
I long to hear him tell me he wont give up and leave no matter how hard it gets.
I long to be free of shame and guilt and the haunting feeling that I'm not lovable or am incapable of love.
I long to know what it's like to have a man be stronger than me...to stand up to me when I've gone too far.
I long to hear the people closest to me be able to say 'I'm sorry' if they have hurt me.
I long to be known...to have someone curious me...ask me questions...want to know about all of the scars and want to hear how they changed me.
I long to have someone to love..to lavish my love on and have it appreciated and acknowledged.
I long for someone who is not afraid of intimacy...not just physical...but emotional as well.
I long to hear words of affirmation. I have given up the career of mind reading.
I long to feel desired.