Three months ago, my world changed forever. Everything I believed about my life was turned upside down and spilled out on the floor, leaving me in a puddle of confusion, disbelief and despair. In the 54 years that I have walked this globe, I never could have imagined the depth of pain and grief that one human being could endure without absolutely disintegrating. Until that dreadful night, I had never wailed - the animalistic cry of the soul that comes from the soles of your feet, where your mouth gapes open wide and no human sound escapes because no sound would give voice to the pain that has been inflicted. No flesh wound that I have ever experienced comes close to the pain of a truly broken heart. (And I have actually been cut open for a C-section without anesthesia!)
A very wise man recently told me that there is beauty to be found in the gift of a truly broken heart. I have begun looking for it and am amazed at how true that is. Here are the treasures I have found as a result of my broken heart:
A broken heart reveals who in your world gives life to you and who sucks the life out of you.
A broken heart exposes your strength, your character and your faith and you realize you are able to endure far more than you ever dreamed.
A broken heart opens your eyes to the depth of depravity in the people that you trusted the most and reveals the beauty of the holiness of God.
A broken heart enables you to sort through the problems that you think are a big deal and puts all things in perspective.
A broken heart has no strength to put on pretenses and enables you to live an authentic life without fear of 'what people will think'.
A broken heart gives you a thirst for truth like nothing else.
A broken heart opens your eyes to the pain that you see in the eyes of others and fills you with true compassion.
A broken heart shows you how scandalous the grace of God is. It is offered to the most diabolical sinners in the same way it is offered to the holiest of saints.
A broken heart gives you hope that if you can endure the pain, you can overcome anything.
A broken heart shows you that during the times that you cannot lift your voice in praise to God because of the burning lump in your throat, there is someone beside you who is singing louder and stronger to carry your voice to the Father.
A broken heart helps you realize that as you shed the weight of someone else's sin and depravity, you actually can shed the weight you have carried in your flesh for years. You no longer have the need to numb yourself with food, tv and mindless games. You allow yourself to feel all of the feelings and move on.
A broken heart allows you to see your many blessings and feel gratitude for them.
A broken heart helps you realize that you make a poor Messiah. You were never meant to be anyone's savior.
A broken heart shows you that you don't need someone else to stand up for you, you are completely capable of standing up for yourself.
Finally, a broken heart, once it is healed, is stronger than it ever was before and more capable of truer love than you ever imagined.
I'm sure that as I walk this path, I will have many more gold nuggets to add to my treasure chest, but for now this is enough - God is enough - I am enough.
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