dawn

It's been a while since I've written anything new on my blog and that's partly because it feels like forever since I've really been inspired...or even felt like I've heard from God. Life is just plain hard sometimes and it's in the daily-ness of it all that I seem to loose my way until one day I wake up and realize I don't know where I am, who I am or where I'm going.
I went on vacation last week to the beach, which is where God has met me in my time of need so many times. I was hoping that I would hear from Him there, but instead, all I felt was emptiness and longing. I begged him for a morsel...a crumb...a whisper - like he spoke to Elijah. Still nothing.
I came home feeling like life was crashing down on me. The smallest thing seemed like a catastrophe and I found myself unable to cope with the most trivial issues. I was so disillusioned, lonely and ready to give up. I truly don't recall the last time I was so disappointed with God. Tears would flow uncontrollably for no apparent reason. I wrestled for a while and then had to just get up and put one foot in front of the other and keep moving.
Tonight I went out to see a movie, just to escape from reality for a little while and on the way home, something unusual happened. I found a new worship song a few days ago that I have been listening to and learning to sing along with. Tonight, as I started singing, something in my spirit rose up and sang full voice...refusing to be squelched any longer. It was almost as if it was smoke rising from the ashes reaching to heaven just to touch the hem of his garment. I was reminded of one of my favorite verses...Micah 7:8 "Do not gloat over me my enemy! Though I have fallen I WILL rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light."
I was very aware of the reality that there is a battle that is raging within me between the flesh that wants to have it's way and rule, and the spirit that has been given life through the One who overcame death. So many times I feed the flesh, giving it strength and power to reign. But tonight, the spirit refused to be silent any longer and as I sang these words, I felt the darkness fade little.

"God He Reigns"

Holy One, Holy One
All creation bows to worship.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Glory in the highest.
And I will sing, I will sing
His praises forever.

God He reigns, God He reigns
Holy is the Lord of heaven.
God He reigns, God He reigns
Forevermore.