Soft Place to Land

This morning, as I sit alone with my Maker and strain my ears to hear his voice, He speaks to me the familiar words from John 11,
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
I could almost type them from memory because I have heard and read those words so many times in my life, but this morning, I see them expand on the page. I see them clearer than ever before because I am weary and burdened.

As a child, I don't have a clear memory of ever feeling like there was a soft place to land...a waiting lap with arms to wrap around me...to hold my small, heaving body as sobs turn to whimpers to rest. I long for a place to land with my broken heart...a safe place where there is no criticism for what I did to deserve this broken heart or pride in the heart of the one holding my heart, telling me why they would have never done what I did, reacted the way I reacted or felt the way I feel. I hear my Maker say, "Come to me.  Sit in my lap. Cry until there are no more tears...I hold them all."  I am irresistibly drawn by his gracious invitation and He gently listens as I tell him how much it hurts...how deep this unmet longing is and how much I fear that I will never find my way out of the darkness. There is no judgment as He knows how it feels to be betrayed.

He invites me to sit a while and rest...don't jump up and get on with the demands of the day...just rest.  Not just physically rest, but spiritually rest. He invites my soul to rest from guilt for not having done it all perfectly...rest from fretting about doing it perfectly from here on out. He asks me to rest from my self-righteousness and the feeling that I have to prove that I belong to Him. I find rest in knowing that He is humble and gentle and isn't angry that I haven't learned my lesson yet. He gives me grace to cover my inadequacies.

My Maker tells me to learn from him by watching Him do it.  He doesn't just expect me to instinctively know how to do all of this right...he gives me Himself...stories of how he lived life when he suffered injustice and heartbreak and betrayal. He tells me what He did when Judas and Peter and His chosen people betrayed him...as He looked to His Father and said, "Father, forgive them...they don't know what they are doing."  He asks me to do the same and instead of demanding it, He invites me to allow him to do it through me when I don't have the strength or desire to do it on my own.

He sends His overwhelming love and mercy and grace and forgiveness for those who have done the breaking...the ones who I trusted and loved the most...the ones that I thought I had built my fortresses against so that they would never have access to my heart again. He gives me courage to tear down the wall and risk letting them hurt me again knowing that even if they do, there is a waiting lap to crawl back into. He gives me strength to be vulnerable, something that I have a hard time doing.

My Maker gives me one last squeeze, whispers how much he loves me, how proud he is of me and how much more I am beginning to look like him.  I weep as I feel loved, treasured and adored.  I feel his approval and I need no other approval right now. I am safe to go back into the world, confident that He is right where I left him and I can come and go freely. His yoke feels easy and the burden is much lighter because I left it in his lap.